You may have heard it said, "Sometimes saying 'no' to someone else says 'yes' to yourself.But for many of us, "no no" is difficult.Yet, it is a major key to assertiveness.If you do not know how you do not want to, then you will find in this article simple ways to unlock and assert yourself more effectively
I) Why is it so important to know haw to say no?
5 Good reasons to say (No)
1) When we always respond favorably to the needs and demands of
everyone, we neglect and forget what is important for us and, eventually, we
risk exhaustion.
Moreover, in work, it is the inability to say
"no" that leads to "burn-out" (burnout).
- Knowing how to
say no to others is a way of saying "yes" to oneself, of
getting closer to one's
"When you say yes to
others, make sure you do not say no to yourself." paulo Coelho
2) When we want to please everyone, all the time, we do not
take confidence in ourselves.
- Assert yourself
and dare to say no builds self-confidence.
3) By not expressing our own needs, desires and desires, we do
not act in accordance with ourselves and we lose our personal value.
- That's why
saying no helps to increase our self-esteem.
4) Those who do not clearly set their limits to toxic people
get stuck on their feet, let themselves feel guilty, abuse and manipulate ...
- Being able to
say no is a way of protecting oneself and not being dragged into the trap
of manipulation.
5) Finally, if you want to develop an assertive communication
(see here how), you must be able to say no.
- When I say
"no", I'm in the "ok" position
- (1)
II) Saying "no" is so hard
We all
have to do things we don't want to do; that is just part of life. But so many
people agree to do things they do not even have to do. And sometimes these
things are big; I see people accepting promotions or jobs they don't want,
marrying people they feel unsure about, and having children before they're
ready. The truth is, for many of us, saying "no" is hard! We want
others to like us and accept us; we want to show up for them, meet their
expectations, and please them.
I know
it's very hard to think about letting someone you care about down or falling
short of someone’s expectation of you. Sometimes saying "no" can even
be heartbreaking to someone else. But so is saying "yes" when you
don’t really mean it (2)
III) How to say (No)
Here is
good news for men and women who suffer from not knowing how to say no.
* Plan Out Your
No’s Ahead of Time:
It can be
difficult to tell someone no in the moment. If you you struggle to say no
because you fear facing people’s disappointment, ask people to text or
email you their request so you can get back to them. You’re a busy person so
it’s perfectly reasonable for you to say that you need to check your schedule
before answering. Once they send you a follow-up, it is much easier to send
them a polite reply saying that you’re unable to agree to their request.(3)
*How to say no using the fog technique:
This
technique is very effective especially against manipulators and other toxic
people.
What is
it about ?
It is a
question here of not answering or rather of avoiding answering in a precise way
to your interlocutor. You do not answer yes or no, but you remain very vague.
Some
words are precious to stay out of hand: "maybe", "it's
possible", "probably", "certainly", "I do not
doubt it"(4)
*Don’t Offer an Explanation:
Offering
an excuse may seem like the polite way to decline a request but it sets you up
for an awkward situation. The problem with offering an excuse is it gives
people the opportunity to change their request so that your excuse doesn’t
justify your no.
*Take time before
answering:
I once had a supervisor who never said yes to any request
without first saying, "Let me think about it." Even if the idea was a
no-brainer and I knew she would approve it, she habitually bought herself some
time to think things through. I thought it was brilliant. There are very few
requests, invitations, or propositions that need to be answered right away. As
somebody who's had to learn that it's OK to say "no," I still notice
my initial reaction to almost any request of me is a cheerful "sure!"
I've had to learn to take some time to think about what is being asked of me
before I answer.(5)
And
finally, learning to say "no" when you authentically mean
"no" is a life skill. For some people, it comes quite naturally. For
others, it requires habitual practice and conscious use. It may not feel right
at first, but it's necessary for living life truthfully and a skill that will
promote good overall emotional health.
References
- http://www.se-sentir-capable.com/savoir-dire-non-3-techniques/)
- https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/why-saying-no-is-necessary-for-good-health
- https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-say-no/
- http://www.se-sentir-capable.com/savoir-dire-non-3-techniques/
- https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/why-saying-no-is-necessary-for-good-health
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